One a day, better than apples.

Ever wonder what you’d look like as a Russian writer during the 1940’s? Let’s just…put this……Boom! Wow, you look hungry and aggravated.

Why do Yeti attacks always happen when it’s overcast? I think I’m asking a legitimate question here. Cuz really - always.

Actually hang on, maybe that’s just how I imagine them in my head…except here we are…gettin’ attacked…and it’s overcast…

As the park began violently spinning Sarah locked eyes with Larry. Her heart racing, birds echoing in the background, her mind on the brink of darkness, she watched him lean real close and whisper…”Didn’t I warn you about those shrimp?”

Aw jeez. Seriously? I mean, really?? This is awful. Just awful.

You’re bending your leg wrong, are you even watching the screen?

Oh yea, sorry, I forgot to warn you baby. Don’t ever look Santa in the eye or he’ll drag you to his labor camps in the Arctic Ocean. My bad, my bad. 

Incase the psychedelic rug and chair aren’t disorienting enough, this little cherub is going to sit here and cackle till you pass out.

Newsflash champ - you’re actually not the strongest person in the world. That balloon you “threw” really high? It isn’t coming back.

Quit mocking us, kid. We all know if this ship goes down you and Mom get first dibs on a lifeboat, you don’t need to rub it in, you cute son of a bitch.

“Yeah…I wouldn’t…no, Ma’am, can you please not hang on that, it’s not allo—Hey! Excuse me, Miss, I was just tell this other woman not to hang on that, could you please….LADIES! Stop!!”